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Posted by on in Emotions

When action is more effective than words

Action more effective than wordsMany 3-6 year olds are still unable to control emotions and pace themselves.  When over excited they can get themselves into a spin without knowing how to stop it. It has been our experience that even using language can be too much at some point.
Emotions shoot up and through their body like a lightning bold and are expressed immediately, e.g. when something doesn’t work, it may get thrown. If a door doesn’t open, it will be kicked.
When the child feels happy, he may literally run around in circles. This type of behaviour is more apparent in boys than in girls. The brain is still in the process of constructing the reasoning part and adults can influence how this pathway is being constructed.
The point is that the child has as yet no means of controlling himself unless he is helped how to express strong feelings appropriately. Reprimanding a child verbally across the room does nothing or may even make matters worse.

Posted by on in Tantrums

tantrumsYou are the boss and the leader in the eyes of your child. If you grovel, apologize or say "how sad this makes you" when he or she throws a tantrum when you have stopped him from doing something that may be potentially dangerous, you tell the child that HE IS THE BOSS!
Not only do you give your power away, but you load him up with a responsibility he is not ready for.
A young child does not understand these dynamics, it doesn't make them feel powerful, but insecure. This will be expressed by the child acting like a little dictator and pushing boundaries, not because he feels strong, but because he doesn't know what to do with the power he now feels he has.
Take your power back to where it belongs: with you. You are the parent, let your no be no and your yes be yes. Set a clear rule of what is permissible and if the pre-schooler does not stick to the rule, simply tell him that he has to grow a bit more before he is given another chance.

Tagged in: Anger Behaviour Tantrums
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